depression and me

i had a catering event that worked on at my parents kitchen. I was talking to my mother about my current work situation. I has really not been good lately so i have started looking for another job. i was discussing with my mother how i get depressed when i don't have a job and in this realization i realized that i still have a job and am still depressed. so with or without a job currently iam depressed. When i am uncofortable i am also very anxious and i don't like they way it makes me feel. i feel uncofortable. i feel uncofortable in my own skin. This was after the conversation about being responsible to the people i ow money on a weekly and monthly basis. i can't fix in my head that it is responsible to be depressed. i don't know how to change the depression either.

I vote i am sick of my coat for a while i don't want the responiblilty it intails and i am told on a daily basis i am not good with that responsiblity. i do not beleive that, at all mostly. but i do somtimes and that has been my down fall lately, believing the lies my enemy tells me. its alot easier to tell other people that then to beleive it yourself. for now i am surving, hopefully tommorow i will be on the road to thriving.


p.s. life is currently half empty.