Life its funny

Wow a lot has really happend since i last posted, i have been procrastinating for quite a while. Thats now over. I started an externship, stopped the externship because of moral issues. So i am on a job search slash extership search. Basically what i need is a job. any job i can relate to the world of culinaire, and write hours for my school to see that i learning. Companys don't understand what i was told by the school, they most likly can't understand me trying to explain this. It really has been a funny experience with leaving my last externship. I expected people to be mad. I think this was adefence mechinism for protecting my decsion. What ever, ever since i started there i was having constant issues and shit. Flat tires, migraines, long drives, just sick mentally and spirtually. It was nuts. i have been out of a job now for a week and two days and it sucks. I need something to do, so i can finish school. A few weeks ago at church a lady giving her testimony was talking about protecting her own. I have been attempting to do that with comfort. All my life i have looked for comfort, i am not comfortable in my own body, a symptom of ADD. So this search for comfort has lead to some interesting places. Maybe i need stop thinking about my comfort, my thought being if i am in a place of routine maybe this will bring omfort. if i am in this routine i can serve GOd better because i don't have to think as hard about other parts of my life. So am not comfortable, i want to be, but i don't think i am suposed to be comfortable here. Random thought, pray for my roomates, i am pretty sure they went to 'burn one down" if you need a translation give me a call. The only place i have ever felt like i have belonged to is church. It was tough and i am pretty sure its going to be tough to make that a priority when my industry frowns on stuff like that, stuff being an outside life. The kitchen is very much like jesus in that you sacrifice everything for your customer. You scarifice having a family, you sacrifice riendships from before. You live for that kitchen, your every breathing moment is for it. This is one of the major down falls of america. We are "Sucessful" because we sacrfice what is truly important to turn a profit. I WILL NOT DO THIS. My father worked hard to make money for us. to promote a comfortable life. And he did. But times in my life he was not there because he was working. I don''t want this at all. Can somebody find me a job that would promote this?
Plus through these past few weeks i have felt like a big loser, this not whoopie GOLdberg style etiher. I am the only one inmy school class who does not have a job, I left this job and i feel like my dad is disapointed in me because he did not teach me to quit. I feel like he is disapointed in me because he would not have done what i did. Leave a job before i had another one. So that is all for now. Prayer for work, prayer for something else would be nice. Love and peace.